Ben Franklin Exclusive
  • Get to know Ben, today.
  • Ben's new blog
  • Ben on the Boston Marathon
  • Videos
  • Ben's blog archives
  • Links
  • Contacting us

Ben writes an advice column

7/19/2014

 
Picture
My dear readers,
Back when I was publishing newspapers in the 1700s, I used to write all sorts of stories, from news items to tall tales, to letters to the editor. Now that I’m here in the 21st century, I thought I might try doing an advice column, since that seems to be all the rage. So here’s my first installment:


Picture
Dear Ben,
I have this on-again, off-again boyfriend, whose name is Justin, who is so into himself that he just doesn’t get it that I have my own life.  Sometimes it feels like he’s stalking me or something, especially when he mentions me in songs he’s written. How can I get him to see the light? –Selena in Studio City

Dear Selena,
Sometimes we men never quite get the message, unless you hit us over the head with a Liberty Bell. Try to ignore him. And if that doesn’t work, you could always go into the Stalk-less Protection Program.

Dear Ben,
My girlfriend left me for another guy, a football player.  What should I do? –Dumped in Denver

Dear Dumped,
It happens to everybody.  Back in Philadelphia in the 1700s, I was dumped by a young lady, whose parents didn’t want to pay the dowry* I had in mind (*a fee the girl’s family used to pay to the boy’s family, back in those days, for the privilege of having their daughter get married). You could do a couple of things: (1) Get a new girlfriend, which could lead to your old girlfriend getting jealous and wanting you back; (2) Make lemons out of lemonade, and swear off girls (you could enlist a couple of your friends to join with you in an anti-girls club); or (3) Put on some weight, buy some shoulder, knee, elbow, and you-know-what pads, and try out for the football team. What do you have to lose, besides some vital organs?


Picture
Dear Ben,
I’m a country music superstar whose career has just caught fire again—almost like the Second Coming! I’m worried, though, that it won’t last, and my fans will move on to the next pretty face. How can I make sure this isn’t a fluke, and that I can look forward to many more years of sold-out concerts, hit albums, long nails, glam gowns, and life in the bosom of luxury? (PS: I also have my philanthropic pursuits, too, like helping poor children learn to read through my Imagination Library.)—Dolly from Pigeon Forge

Hello Dolly,
I think you’re doing everything right. A good heart will always win out over good lungs or good p.r.  Don’t fret (I’m referring to the “worry” frets, and not the guitar kind), you’ll still be a legend long after other average artists have come and gone.

Dear Ben,
My father wants me to go into the family business, but I want to travel and see the world. What’s your advice? –Footloose in Farmingdale

Dear Footloose,
I faced the exact same situation when I was young! My father wanted me to work for his candle-making business, but I thought becoming a sailor and traveling around the globe sounded like more fun.  I wound up running away, living homeless for a time on the streets of Philadelphia, and then finally landing a job as a printer for a small firm.  Ironically, after making a lot of money in the printing business (when I started my own company), I did do a lot of traveling, to England and France, to get money for the American Revolution. So you never know how your life will turn out.  You might start out working for your father now, but later, your dream of travel might ultimately come true. My advice: Be patient, be careful (homelessness wasn’t that much fun, I can assure you), and be on the lookout for cheap airfare deals so you can try out your travel plans in a less-risky way.

Need help? Want advice? Write to Ben: benfranklintimetraveler@gmail.com




Comments are closed.

    Author

    Writer, diplomat, scientist, philanthropist, printer, inventor, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America...and a time traveler, too!

    The contents of Ben Franklin Exclusive are protected by copyright, in collaboration with Ben's ghostwriter partner: ©Tom Nalesnik 2014
    All rights reserved.

    Categories

    All
    Abolition
    Abraham Lincoln
    Adams
    Africa
    Albert Einstein
    All Hallows Eve
    Amazon
    Amboy
    American Revolution
    An American Life
    Angelina Jolie
    Ann Makosinski
    Antarctic
    Apple
    Assassin's Creed
    Austria
    Autobiography
    Back To School
    Baker
    Balloons
    Barack
    Barber
    Beach
    Beard
    Beer
    Ben Franklin
    Ben Franklin
    Bethlehem
    Beyonce
    Bible
    Billboard
    Bill Nye
    Billy Crystal
    Bionic Arm
    Birthday
    Black
    Black Friday
    Book
    Boston
    Boston Beer Company
    Boston Marathon
    Boston Massacre
    Boston Tea Party
    Bowling Alone
    Boylston Street
    Brazil
    British
    Burlington
    California
    Candlemas
    Capitol
    Cartoon
    Cell Phone
    Cellphones
    Cells
    Celtic
    Chelsea Clinton
    Chris Christie
    Christmas
    Civil War
    Clinton
    Coal
    Coffee
    Comenius
    Commencement
    Computer
    Congress
    Constitution
    Coverup
    Creation
    Dalek
    David Letterman
    Dean Kamen
    Debate
    Declaration Of Independence
    DEKA
    Digital Billboard
    Disc Jockey
    Disney
    Doctorate
    Doctor Who
    Do It Yourself
    Dolly Parton
    Dollywood
    Donald-sterling
    Donald-trump
    Doylestown
    Drone
    Duesseldorf
    Duke-university
    Dunkin-donuts
    Ebola
    Editorial Cartoon
    Education
    Election
    Electricity
    Ellen-degeneres
    Elvis
    England
    Epidemic
    European Union
    Evolution
    Exorcist
    Extraterrestial
    Fire
    Firefighter
    Fire Fighting
    Fireman
    Fireman Sam
    Fireworks
    First Night Boston
    Fish
    Flashlight
    Founding Father
    Fourth Of July
    France
    Franklin-avenue
    Franklin-circle
    Franklin-institute
    Franklin-road
    George Washington
    George-washington
    Gimbelsbe0d7d8682
    Glacier
    Global-climate-change
    Global-warming
    Golden Oldies
    Google-science-fair
    Government Shutdown
    GPS
    Gravity
    Groundhog
    Gulf-stream
    Gulliver
    Hair
    Halloween
    Happy
    Happy-birthday-ben-franklin
    Hard Choices
    Harvard University
    Herblock
    Hillary Clinton
    Hit Music
    Hoax
    Home Depot
    Hopkinton
    Horse
    Hoverboard
    Hover-board
    Huffington Post
    Huffington-post
    Hurricane-sandy
    Huvr
    Hydrant
    Ice
    Iced Tea
    Ice-storm
    Imagination Library
    Independence Day
    Invention
    IPhone
    Iraq
    Isaac Newton
    Ivy-league
    Jay-leno
    Jay-z
    Jimmy-fallon
    John-hancock
    Johnny Depp
    John-street
    Join Or Die
    Jonathan Swift
    Journalism
    Julia-louisdreyfuss
    Just-born
    Justin Bieber
    K12
    K12f2a3bb8c44
    Kamen
    Kardashians
    Katie Couric
    Kim Kardashian
    Kite
    Kitty-litter
    Korea
    La-clippers
    Lakers
    Late Night
    Law-enforcement
    Legalization
    Lego
    LGBT
    Liberty Bell
    Liberty's Kids
    Lightning
    Lilliput
    Lindsay Lohan
    Lone Ranger
    Long Island
    Luke
    Macy's
    Magic Johnson
    Map
    Marijuana
    Marsha Blackburn
    McCafe
    Medical
    Memorial Day
    Michael Jackson
    Microwave
    Middle East
    Moravian
    National Science Foundation
    Native American
    NBA
    Nelson Mandela
    Neuroscience
    New Jersey
    New Mexico
    Newspaper
    New Year Resolution
    New Year Resolution
    New York
    New York City
    New York City
    Nigeria
    Obama
    Ohio
    Olympics
    Oprah
    Oxford
    Pamela Anderson
    Paris
    Parliament
    Peace
    Peace Corps
    Peeps
    Pen
    Pennsylvania
    Pharmaceutical
    Philadelphia
    Philadelphia Zoo
    Phillippines
    Phone
    Pigeon Forge
    Pirate
    Polar Bear Club
    Polar Vortex
    Political Cartoon
    Poor Richard
    Postal Service
    Practical Jokes
    Presidency
    President
    Presidents
    President's Day
    Presidents' Day
    Printing Press
    Prosthetic
    Providence
    Quaker
    Quill
    Racism
    Radio
    Radioactive
    Radioactivity
    Red Cross
    Revolutionary War
    Rio De Janeiro
    Robert Creamer
    Robert Putnam
    Robot
    Robotic
    Robotic Exoskeleton Suit
    Rockwell
    Rolling Stone
    Rolls
    Russia
    Russian
    Sam Adams
    Samuel Adams
    Santa Claus
    Sarah Palin
    Saturday Evening Post
    School
    Science Guy
    Scientific American
    Scientist
    Sea Level
    Segway
    Selena Gomez
    Selfie
    Seoul
    Shark
    Sharknado
    Sign
    Silence Dogood
    Sinkhole
    Skiing
    Slavery
    Slideshow
    Slovakia
    Smallpox
    Smart Phone
    Smoky Mountains
    Snoopy
    Snowboarding
    Sochi
    Sochi Olympics
    Space
    Spongebob Squarepants
    Sports Illustrated
    Starbucks
    Star Wars
    Steve Jobs
    Stonehenge
    St. Pat
    St. Patrick's Day
    Street Lamps
    Street Road
    Street Smart
    Swimming
    Tardis
    Tattoo
    Tea
    Tennessee
    Thanksgiving
    The-office
    The-onion
    Thermoelectric
    Thomas-edison
    Thomas-jefferson
    Three-mile-island
    Time Travel
    Time-travel
    Tony-hawk
    Top Ten
    Tourist
    Travel
    Trudeau
    True-value
    Twitter
    Ukraine
    United-way
    University
    Vaccine
    Valley-forge
    Vegetarian
    Veggies
    Venice-beach
    Vietnam
    Viral
    Vladimir-putin
    Volunteer-action-center
    Walter-isaacson
    War
    Waste-isolation-pilot-plant
    Waste-isolation-pilot-project
    Weather
    White-house
    Wicked
    Wifi
    Wikipedia
    Wine
    Wipp
    Witch
    Witch-trial
    Wizard-of-oz
    Women
    World-cup
    World-trade-center
    World-war-ii
    Wwwvisitphillycom
    Wyoming
    Youtube
    Zoo

    Archives

    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
✕